jadesprite: (Default)
[content: epilepsy/flashing images, suicide, body horror]



the european magpie )

#15

Feb. 20th, 2012 01:19 am
jadesprite: (↪ you made me bleed my own blood!)
i feel like we never have anything to post about anymore mmm. we have meme things from people to be doing but we keep getting distracted trying to write them up! and we have a lot of things to read and watch etc but it feels we never get around to those, either. the thing is that we don't really have anything to actually be doing so i'm not sure what's taking up all our time? what's distracting us. i feel like we just spend a lot of time lying around doing nothing nowadays, certainly not anything productive. not even anything "productive". we kind of wonder if this is depression again but mostly it just feels like apathy. i guess they're not so different, though.

i wish we could just be a spirit. i don't really want to have mortal presence anymore. it's not that i want to be nonexistent as many people presume the ideation of death to be, i'd just kind of like to be out-of-body. without living weight. living ties. i want to be a friendly ghost residing behind the walls or under the floorboards of some sweet young guy's house!! and i'll feed their pets while they're out and find lost things for them and put them back in their place while they're not looking and water their plants and things and they'll never totally know we're there but maybe they'll be made a bit happier by all our little spooky acts of kindness. we have a lot of feelings about nice ghosts actually. people talk about malevolent spirits and hauntings and all that but we think that if ghosts really do exist then most of them hang around because they like where they are! they like the people that they're 'haunting'. but they get given a bad name by a few rude ghosts ruining it for all the others

anyway. i want to be freeeee why do we have to have flesh and blood and why is it all so vulnerable? we wouldn't mind if we could play around with it at least but the human body is really weak. we're pretty fond of bones though! just not all the stuff around and over them. why can't we be an animated skeleton or something??? a cartoon skeleton dude in a suit -- or, what is literally our type when it comes to men. i'm serious. 3D is PIG DISGUSTING i want to be 2d i'll turn to the side and just VANISH i want to be a concept of being, i'm only there when you think about me. a personal deity. individual belief in my existence would be what confirms it for each individual consciousness!!! but it's not the same with mortal beings -- you can't really choose whether to believe in them or not and they continue to exist regardless of it anyway. pesky things, us

w0w i d0n't kn0w where p0sts like this keep c0ming fr0m! we really need t0 st0p rambling s0 0ften. and writing like aradia is way too natural for us probably but it almost feels kind of nice. hmm

let's pretend we don't exist
let's pretend we're in antartica
jadesprite: (↪ crawl inside this second skin)
at our sisters rn -- it's her birthday and a lot of family is here, some of her boyfriend dave's and we don't even know them all so we're really nervous. we're hiding out away in the bathroom at the moment but we're going to try not to just spend the entire day in here, ugh

using dw on mobile is really hard so let's keep this fairly short!! wanted to write more to this but oh well maybe later

i have been having dreams or maybe memories with a consistent theme to them of ferrying the dead. i said, once, that we would like to in an abstract sense be some sort of reaper -- not taking souls, not always, not for everyone but i think we'd like to help them along at least. we feel such an odd connection with the dead. cultural necrophilia don't they say? it is something like that i guess. but instead of the large deaths we find ourself fascinated by the small ones. we want to take everyone we know that fears their own mortality and at The End we would like to peel back their skin for them like maybe helping some young person do up the zipper of their dress where they cannot quite reach it between their shoulderblades, just like that, so easy. oh love there is a bruise on your back, a real awful thing, and in a moment like that we'll just pick off the colouring and leave your skin fresh and clean again. it'll be alright.

we want to pry out people's souls and let them move smoothly, we want to draw out each path in the earth and light for each person, the roads from their Ends to their Beginnings. we look at bodies like prisons and cages and we think of people leaving them and we think of: showing them their own freedom, being a revolutionary of the dead, not an anarchist for there is nothing really to overthrow here but more we want to show them that, the lack of walls. people live fenced-in and squared off and i think when presented with utter genuine freedom it's not something we can really understand, any of us. but we want to learn how to understand with them. you are free now don't you see? all your mortal walls and boundaries and mortal chains around your ankles and mortal concrete-feet -- they are gone now. maybe we'll have to take you back to them in the end in some form or another but for now let's just be free.

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rotten kid

October 2014

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