deer die with their eyes wide open

"at the Last Supper, on the night he was betrayed, our Savior instituted the Eucharistic sacrifice of his Body and Blood." -- "this is my body; this is my blood."

im really oddly into this stuff, catholic doctrine & dogma... we were raised catholic. i think we've mentioned it a few times before? don't think not here, though, maybe just on tumblr. but yeah our primary school and most every other in the area was catholic; was called st. mary's, had a little statuette of our lady up on the roof and everything, cut into the peak. the building itself was like, just over 200 years old, i think. we have some vague recollection of them having a bicentennial one year while we were there or maybe just after we left for high school. hmm.

the high school we first went to was catholic, too -- changed to another, non-denominational, after a few months, had an alright enough time time until issues kicked back in a lot harder, had to leave for good -- anyway first school, it was like the gateway high for the primary we went to i think. we remember literally only two kids in our class went to the other instead of this one and they were brothers and we loved one of them and i think that was why we moved, because it just wasn't the same being away from him. the school was called notre dame which i feel means Our Lady in reference again to mary but pls don't quote us on that.

we did first communion in primary four meaning we were... nine i think? nine or maybe eight hmm. first communion is, well, the first time you take communion and your parents have to buy you dumb fancy dress shoes for it and rosaries and they make you wear these really stupid heavy white robes and you have to memorise this one prayer that we cannot recall the actual words for now to save our life but we for some reason very vividly remember something vague about fire and wind. the fire of god. God. idk. it always bothered us you couldn't wear the rosaries around your neck yknow? don't make them necklaces and call it blasphemy to actually wear them like you do every other necklace in existence. or is that like some baby's first temptation of christ stuff

our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil AMEN breathes

i can remember the hail mary by sound but i don't know a single word of it actually. they never taught us what it meant. so to us it's just ave maria, gracia plena, dominus taekoom??? benedit tattoo MAN FUCK IF WE KNOW we could probably recite you it without a second's thought, mind. it was a pretty nice prayer. i think it was our favourite

got a bit bogged down by having to think it constantly after being forced into confessionals though lmao. they were the stupidest thing!!! also a bit depressing. if you told them you had no sins to confess they would just be all "nonsense, everyone is a sinner". catholicism is all fairly gloomy, really. the entire concept of original sin, constant self-flagellation, eternal threat of fire and brimstone hanging over you, etc etc. man it's actually kind of a wonder we're not more screwed up today over our eventual rejection of the judeo-christian god the father, isn't it! a lot of people grow up pretty self-loathing because of it all, pretty repressed. admittedly we did go through a fair sized period of being really sincerely scared of going to hell but i think it's over for good now. now we're basically a shameless godless gross teen blasphemer well oops HERE BECOMES THE BODY AND BLOOD OF CHRIST YOU SAY? OH TRANSUBSTANTIATION, YOU SPEAK TO MY SOUL

no but we are genuinely interested in this -- we want to maybe re-explore it now from a decidedly non christian (esp not catholic) view, hmm. could be interesting?! looking over the bible and reading up on familiar doctrine and seeing now how odd it might all seem to us even though at the time we never thought about any of it.

oh dude we opened up the page for a new entry with something entirely different in mind to write and somehow this happened? what the hell. and now this post feels too long to add on the actual original thing because i think that'd get pretty long, too. and they're not really connected or anything so it'd feel really arbitrary and strange anyway. FUCK