jadesprite: (Default)


(gif by jin-rikkun at deviantart)

hihi hey i am mx noah winter -- i have a much longer name in full than just that but those are the only bits that matter really -- ! you can call us either noah or winter, we have no real preference as of now. we're sixteen and a prince and i slip into royal pronouns (we/us/ourself) now and again but i am not multiple people. i'm gq and i prefer neutral pronouns only, thanks! and err more to this intro coming later i guess. sorry, we're lazy...
jadesprite: (height of fashion)
ahoy-hoy dreamwidth! err i have been plagued with hella sucky drama this week unfortunately but lets not even talk about that. right now i am reminiscing with oneechan about sailor moon x dbz hentais and also watching videos of PARLOR ROLLER PIGEONS that denzel is linking to us and trying not to shriek but oh my god these are literally birds that ROLL? they do not fly they are the only flightless breed of pigeon in existence and they ROLL. jesus christ i love pigeons so much. every pigeon. i love them all

oh and we finally watched avatar the last airbender this month! with charlotte (our darling qpp from tumblr), although it was a rewatch for her/. thoughts: i love uzko so much and also everybody else but ESPECIALLY ZUKO... zukaang otp btw

nek just hit us up asking if jedward were conjoined twins or not
apparently theyd been under the impression that they were for several weeks now
they sounded very disappointed and extremely confused when i told them no
i

so how have you guys been

#27

Jun. 26th, 2012 12:18 am
jadesprite: (vampire queen of my HEART)
christ above WHY is tumblr such a dysfunctional blubbering shitheap of a site
truly the million quid question
jadesprite: (red light)
w-woah, it has been some time since we last used this thing 0x0 i'm sorry dreamwidth! we have just been a bit busy and tumblr is easier to use with less time/a shorter attention span

a lot of stuff happened last month, umm... we turned 16 for one!! and broke off with riley but its ok. its a long story and kind of messy and i'm hardly over him yet but i think its going to start getting better. we still have mint and also sofia now!! sofia is poppyspine at tumblr and she is a sweetheart and i hope things will continue to go well with her uvu also, um, peachy but ahhhaha i'm getting shy so lets leave that for another day

oh ive been writing a LOT too!! mostly original prose things which is nice -- i am seriously considering trying to chase up this dream we have of getting published, some day, so please wish us luck with that!!! ah and also we joined up for HSO, on jade<3aradia, and the first round ends tomorrow and we have something to actually show for it which is AWESOME. i was panicking a bit and worrying that we alone would let the whole team down but together we have managed pretty well actually and i am really looking forward to the next round now that everythings looking a bit less terrifying, haha

and lastly we moved tumblr because i was getting a bit restless and wanted a fresh start; our most recent url is tarasque although we're actually taking a break from tumblr altogether for the week so eh. i'll see you there again in a few days!

ok i think thats everything important on our end
how have you been dreamwidth...

jadesprite: (follows her own weather)
http://cosmian.tumblr.com/post/19975097022/help-us-raise-money-in-the-name-of-furthering

we're taking donations/commissions (writing) for saving up money to see riley
see post for further details
even if you have nothing to give yourself that is fine! please even just reblog and spread it around i guess and we'd be very much in your debt

thank you dears one and all mwah mwah
jadesprite: (komm süsser tod)
this week we are hopefully joining a micronation
as founded by an acquaintance of ours on tumblr (dorsum-oppel; indeed a lovely creature)

it is known as the kingdom of new mare-crissium

http://dorsum-oppel.tumblr.com/post/19772102069
http://dorsum-oppel.tumblr.com/post/19709222266#notes
http://dorsum-oppel.tumblr.com/post/19785697859#notes

so there goes one of our 'things to do in this lifetime' already! citizenship of a micronation. a novelty true but a dear one. perhaps we will be real royalty one day...!!! ahh a monster can dream.  (◡‿◡✿)

anyway riley left for some con he was going to this morning. he says he'll have some time to get online tonight but he might end up being so tired out from things today that he'll just go straight to bed so i guess we shouldn't get our hopes up ;^^^; we're already so lonely oh no!! and its only the first day aaaa i think it's a long weekend kind of thing... what are we gonna dooo ugh we're like a sad little puppy waiting for its owner to come back, how vile

courtney called it cute but courtney is WRONG

ps tumblr says you cant hoard urls anymore im v sad. time to delete a lot of things i guess
jadesprite: (↪ your flesh that i wear)
ahh i want to draw so much lately
it's good that we're feeling inspired again but we have a lot we ought to write!! why do we only want to draw when we should be writing and vice-versa

http://cosmian.tumblr.com/post/19075675762/ heres something we finished off earlier-- genderqueer jade is one of our big sincere homestuck headcanons forever lmfao and jade/aradia is our favourite ship tbh so i guess we're glad that we got something done for both of them even if its not great. we're ok with it though, just not 100% satisfied but really who ever is with anything... and it does feel good to actually get things complete and posted i'll admit

we need to figure out how to get that old tablet our stepdads letting us have actually connected to this laptop when its without a disk drive and therefore obv is incompatible with the installation cd hmm. hmhmmmm. he said we can d/l another program for it off their site as a stand-in which we did but it still refuses to work oh no ?>? im an anxious bird and technology is frightening and confusing cacaw cacaw

oh and we ordered a delinquent-style surgical mask off someone on etsy a little while back and it finally came today
a bit big for us and more pink than red as we thought it would be but v cute nonetheless!
idk if we suit it though



[ btw im v sorry to bother you guys with all this constant changing around of terms related to identity and that ahhh but: http://cosmian.tumblr.com/post/18956168465/ please read this if it's not too much bother it's a little important i guess (the gist is please use neutral pronouns for us from now on; i think we'd feel more comfortable with it) ]
jadesprite: (Default)
[content: epilepsy/flashing images, suicide, body horror]



the european magpie )

#15

Feb. 20th, 2012 01:19 am
jadesprite: (↪ you made me bleed my own blood!)
i feel like we never have anything to post about anymore mmm. we have meme things from people to be doing but we keep getting distracted trying to write them up! and we have a lot of things to read and watch etc but it feels we never get around to those, either. the thing is that we don't really have anything to actually be doing so i'm not sure what's taking up all our time? what's distracting us. i feel like we just spend a lot of time lying around doing nothing nowadays, certainly not anything productive. not even anything "productive". we kind of wonder if this is depression again but mostly it just feels like apathy. i guess they're not so different, though.

i wish we could just be a spirit. i don't really want to have mortal presence anymore. it's not that i want to be nonexistent as many people presume the ideation of death to be, i'd just kind of like to be out-of-body. without living weight. living ties. i want to be a friendly ghost residing behind the walls or under the floorboards of some sweet young guy's house!! and i'll feed their pets while they're out and find lost things for them and put them back in their place while they're not looking and water their plants and things and they'll never totally know we're there but maybe they'll be made a bit happier by all our little spooky acts of kindness. we have a lot of feelings about nice ghosts actually. people talk about malevolent spirits and hauntings and all that but we think that if ghosts really do exist then most of them hang around because they like where they are! they like the people that they're 'haunting'. but they get given a bad name by a few rude ghosts ruining it for all the others

anyway. i want to be freeeee why do we have to have flesh and blood and why is it all so vulnerable? we wouldn't mind if we could play around with it at least but the human body is really weak. we're pretty fond of bones though! just not all the stuff around and over them. why can't we be an animated skeleton or something??? a cartoon skeleton dude in a suit -- or, what is literally our type when it comes to men. i'm serious. 3D is PIG DISGUSTING i want to be 2d i'll turn to the side and just VANISH i want to be a concept of being, i'm only there when you think about me. a personal deity. individual belief in my existence would be what confirms it for each individual consciousness!!! but it's not the same with mortal beings -- you can't really choose whether to believe in them or not and they continue to exist regardless of it anyway. pesky things, us

w0w i d0n't kn0w where p0sts like this keep c0ming fr0m! we really need t0 st0p rambling s0 0ften. and writing like aradia is way too natural for us probably but it almost feels kind of nice. hmm

let's pretend we don't exist
let's pretend we're in antartica
jadesprite: (↪ crawl inside this second skin)
at our sisters rn -- it's her birthday and a lot of family is here, some of her boyfriend dave's and we don't even know them all so we're really nervous. we're hiding out away in the bathroom at the moment but we're going to try not to just spend the entire day in here, ugh

using dw on mobile is really hard so let's keep this fairly short!! wanted to write more to this but oh well maybe later

i have been having dreams or maybe memories with a consistent theme to them of ferrying the dead. i said, once, that we would like to in an abstract sense be some sort of reaper -- not taking souls, not always, not for everyone but i think we'd like to help them along at least. we feel such an odd connection with the dead. cultural necrophilia don't they say? it is something like that i guess. but instead of the large deaths we find ourself fascinated by the small ones. we want to take everyone we know that fears their own mortality and at The End we would like to peel back their skin for them like maybe helping some young person do up the zipper of their dress where they cannot quite reach it between their shoulderblades, just like that, so easy. oh love there is a bruise on your back, a real awful thing, and in a moment like that we'll just pick off the colouring and leave your skin fresh and clean again. it'll be alright.

we want to pry out people's souls and let them move smoothly, we want to draw out each path in the earth and light for each person, the roads from their Ends to their Beginnings. we look at bodies like prisons and cages and we think of people leaving them and we think of: showing them their own freedom, being a revolutionary of the dead, not an anarchist for there is nothing really to overthrow here but more we want to show them that, the lack of walls. people live fenced-in and squared off and i think when presented with utter genuine freedom it's not something we can really understand, any of us. but we want to learn how to understand with them. you are free now don't you see? all your mortal walls and boundaries and mortal chains around your ankles and mortal concrete-feet -- they are gone now. maybe we'll have to take you back to them in the end in some form or another but for now let's just be free.
jadesprite: (↪ under your spell)
wow this got a bit rambly!! let's call it stream of consciousness i guess. so it's going to be valentines day in under a week now and we're getting all sappy in preparation and man maybe this doesn't look much like sap to everyone but it is to us ok ::')

warning: gross imagery (injuries, self-harm?, cannibalism) as metaphor for emotion )
jadesprite: (↪ i was the very reverend Freud)
THERES A PICTURE OF OUR FACE UNDER HERE, U SHOULD NOT LOOK )

identity things: here is the CHEAT SEHET
our preferred pronouns are zie/zir (on their own or in alternation with he/him/his), our preferred name is noah, our preferred honorific is mx. (in the vein of mr mrs etc i mean), the umm general terms of reference i guess that we are comfortable w/ are in no particular entity or person or being (all singular)

psst you should all tell us your preferred words or w/e!!! if you are comfortable with it of course. these things are always good to know *_*
jadesprite: (↪ see your teeth turn pink)
"at the Last Supper, on the night he was betrayed, our Savior instituted the Eucharistic sacrifice of his Body and Blood." -- "this is my body; this is my blood."

im really oddly into this stuff, catholic doctrine & dogma... we were raised catholic. i think we've mentioned it a few times before? don't think not here, though, maybe just on tumblr. but yeah our primary school and most every other in the area was catholic; was called st. mary's, had a little statuette of our lady up on the roof and everything, cut into the peak. the building itself was like, just over 200 years old, i think. we have some vague recollection of them having a bicentennial one year while we were there or maybe just after we left for high school. hmm.

the high school we first went to was catholic, too -- changed to another, non-denominational, after a few months, had an alright enough time time until issues kicked back in a lot harder, had to leave for good -- anyway first school, it was like the gateway high for the primary we went to i think. we remember literally only two kids in our class went to the other instead of this one and they were brothers and we loved one of them and i think that was why we moved, because it just wasn't the same being away from him. the school was called notre dame which i feel means Our Lady in reference again to mary but pls don't quote us on that.

we did first communion in primary four meaning we were... nine i think? nine or maybe eight hmm. first communion is, well, the first time you take communion and your parents have to buy you dumb fancy dress shoes for it and rosaries and they make you wear these really stupid heavy white robes and you have to memorise this one prayer that we cannot recall the actual words for now to save our life but we for some reason very vividly remember something vague about fire and wind. the fire of god. God. idk. it always bothered us you couldn't wear the rosaries around your neck yknow? don't make them necklaces and call it blasphemy to actually wear them like you do every other necklace in existence. or is that like some baby's first temptation of christ stuff

our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil AMEN breathes

i can remember the hail mary by sound but i don't know a single word of it actually. they never taught us what it meant. so to us it's just ave maria, gracia plena, dominus taekoom??? benedit tattoo MAN FUCK IF WE KNOW we could probably recite you it without a second's thought, mind. it was a pretty nice prayer. i think it was our favourite

got a bit bogged down by having to think it constantly after being forced into confessionals though lmao. they were the stupidest thing!!! also a bit depressing. if you told them you had no sins to confess they would just be all "nonsense, everyone is a sinner". catholicism is all fairly gloomy, really. the entire concept of original sin, constant self-flagellation, eternal threat of fire and brimstone hanging over you, etc etc. man it's actually kind of a wonder we're not more screwed up today over our eventual rejection of the judeo-christian god the father, isn't it! a lot of people grow up pretty self-loathing because of it all, pretty repressed. admittedly we did go through a fair sized period of being really sincerely scared of going to hell but i think it's over for good now. now we're basically a shameless godless gross teen blasphemer well oops HERE BECOMES THE BODY AND BLOOD OF CHRIST YOU SAY? OH TRANSUBSTANTIATION, YOU SPEAK TO MY SOUL

no but we are genuinely interested in this -- we want to maybe re-explore it now from a decidedly non christian (esp not catholic) view, hmm. could be interesting?! looking over the bible and reading up on familiar doctrine and seeing now how odd it might all seem to us even though at the time we never thought about any of it.

oh dude we opened up the page for a new entry with something entirely different in mind to write and somehow this happened? what the hell. and now this post feels too long to add on the actual original thing because i think that'd get pretty long, too. and they're not really connected or anything so it'd feel really arbitrary and strange anyway. FUCK
jadesprite: (↪ but i got that curse)






from narutaru which is a really good manga!! starts off seemingly light-hearted and shoujo-orientated action but dives pretty quickly into the deeper depressing story-motivated josei end of the scale. a lot of themes about the place of human society in relation to nature and how they co-exist, how the worth of a person's morality or 'right to exist' is measured, things like that. v interesting. (@ennis if you see! -- have you ever read this by any chance? it seems potentially really up your alley, dang. we keep meaning to ask you but never get round to it.)

"behind the pain
someone is rejoicing

behind the torture
there is love

who’s going to buy
this bullshit

if you don’t become the ocean
you’ll be seasick
every day."

we really love leonard cohen. it's probably clichéd at this point, probably too mainstream, but his poetry was the first we ever really got into
and although i doubt it'll be the last we'll likely still like it for a very long time! it's strange to think of how old he is now, actually. we're too used to reading about poets and artists and all the like dying young...

oh and. we're hesitant to post this here out of shyness but it is writing of a sort and definitely personal so...!! i guess it belongs with all the rest. we were going to do something like this on valentines day (hhhh) but riley came back from the con today and we got a really gross awful burst of inspiration talking to him, oh no! so this happened. found poetry as taken from our msn history w/ him, i guess. found poetry and what we found was homosexuality

disgusting. don't read. )
jadesprite: (↪ for idle hands)
AND THEN YOU ALL LOSE ANY RESPECT YOU COULD HAVE HAD FOR US (the joke is that if not already you should have done that a very long time ago. for shame, people, having RESPECT for someone)

cut 4 length! also some of these have a little blood + vomit (those are linked tho) in them, take care )

conclusion: we cant art, MYTH BUSTED i think we may have at least improved a little bit in the past few months though?! hmm who knows
jadesprite: (↪ so tired of drawing breath)
 http://listography.com/ram/blogs/dreamwidth_usernames

SO I SAW DW HAS CODE-FREE REGISTRATION OPEN TO ALL RIGHT NOW AND oh dw do you know what you have done. oh oh dreamwidth. we just cannot stop taking usernames though!! we are going drunk with power, username power. i don't know what we would ever even do with most of these but they are really nice to have around i guess. check em out! what a dang good list.

ps: we have them split in sections of how easily we would give them away but! if we know you then sure ok you are entitled to a freebie or two regardless of where they are on the list, so if you see anything you like but have nothing to trade then w/e w/e just ask anyway. NOT IF IT'S ON THE NEVER TRADE BIT THOUGH. WE ARE NEVER DROPPING THEM EVER. YOU MAY HAVE INFERRED THIS FROM THE NAME BUT WE FELT THE NEED TO RESTATE IT JUST IN CASE
jadesprite: (↪ panic on the streets)
gggg we should really do personal posts more often instead of just writing but

do you ever feel like more of a concept, an idea, than a person? we do often but i am not sure if perhaps it is just born out of self-loathing, some miserable feeling of being less than a collected connected being with all our pieces in order, a feeling of being less, less. it does not entirely feel that way, though — not always, not for every disarrayed piece. not for everything
 
the thing is that 'noah' is vague and intangible and undefinable: he is not our blood, he is not our brain, he is not our heart. he is consciousness and nothing more and in that i suppose he is truly the essence of nothing in us. our body means nothing! the body is host and inside of it is where the person, the being, really lies. in a sense it is a cage; a cage of flesh and blood and bone, bone like You truly You are stuck among the arching frame of your ribcage as behind prison cell-bars. and you know our skin feels sometimes like it is the only thing keeping us together and we could hate that! if there was not a part of us deep down that is rational and logical and knows over believes (and that part we could hate, too) we would almost think that our skin is keeping us trapped—
 
like it is a foreign wrap on our innards, a bandage pulled too tight into numbness, only there is nothing to tighten down on, no innards, not really. it is a loose net around our soul but somehow it feels suffocating also. likely that is just in a metaphorical sense, likely it all is, most likely of all we are wrong because we are flesh and blood, can we not feel it? can we not feel our pulse and our body heat and the weight of our flesh? of course we can; it is dragging us down into the earth always. but deeper down, inside of even that, there is more or perhaps less

our soul is made of air if we have one i think. i think, i think it is nothing, personified nothing, the smoke of a dullahan’s severed neck-to-head, the film of mist lying on the surface of water where nymphs and sirens and lake-ladies reside, it is pure spirit of life and death and what else could a soul be? below our blood and flesh that is what i like to think lies. smoke, thick as highland fog, unbreathable and i suppose unliveable! but no, no somehow we live. oh we live. we live forever—and every one of us if it is what we so choose, what you choose—and within that all we die a million deaths and break through from a million rebirths before we ever manage to raise ourself into anything more than flies buzzing in the silent infinite everything of the universe. and still yet we go on.

*

so you know i guess it's a silly thing to say but we just want to help people so like... if anyone ever wants to talk to us about identity things or belief things and stuff like that then we're always open for that. and so long as you're relatively respectful about it, if you have any questions fsr about our writing or w/e then yeah that's cool too. i mean probably wont ever come up at all but hey just in case right? idk idk idk
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